American Heroes Show Up Communists. Again.

Americans rejoiced today as they once again launched Falcon 9 carrying Dragon cargo into space headed for the International Space Station. The rocket was launched from the very same launch pad where the Apollo Series and Space Shuttles were launched. The Falcon 9 program uses reusable rockets to cut costs in a capitalist manner. The Communists of Russia watched in awe as Capitalism soared high into the daytime.

SpaceX engineer Arthur Blumenburg called the launch a “true feat of capitalist engineering.” The rocket was reported to be carrying achievements of capitalism, like Coca-Cola, Lay’s Potato Chips, and Red Bull. Director of the Falcon 9 program told the press that it didn’t want to be too communist by sending “things they actually need, like toilet paper and clothes. Our team decided it would be best if our astronauts got what they WANTED, like an XBox, or a six pack of bud, or a VHS recording of the Super Bowl. We wanted this shipment to reflect our American ideals of freedom.” SpaceX has been lauded by scientists around the country for their “truly patriotic dedication to science.”

The launch comes just weeks after the Communist Russians launched their “Воздушно Космический Корабль” to the space station carrying un-American things like lettuce seeds, data sets about the Station’s orbit, letters from little commies in Russia, and provisions.

Russian cosmonauts received instructions to share their resupply provisions with their “American comrades.” American astronauts were told to not let an “ounce of their American freedom to reach the mouths of a stinkin’ red.”

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