Golden Shower To Be Installed In White House Bathroom

President Donald J. Trump announced during his press conference last Thursday from his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida plans to renovate the White House master bathroom over the next two weeks.  Trump noted, “We’re gonna do—let me tell you—we’re gonna do some fantastic stuff,” though—in fairness—he may have been referring to literally anything else.

Trump indicated that the shower would be “the best you’ve ever seen,” although our investigative journalists have concluded that “there would be no way for Mr. Trump to know the precise nature of all the golden showers you’ve ever seen.”

When asked by reporters if they were planning to remove the porcelain that had been in the bathroom since the Kennedy Administration, Trump said simply, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

According to White House officials, no contractors have been hired and no materials have been ordered.

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