Mainstream media would have you believe that American President Donald J. Trump and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu met last week to rekindle the alliance between the United States and Israel. While this is politically correct and the duo did, in fact, meet last week, “rekindling the alliance” isn’t the principle reason.
Everybody knows how much the Israelis and the Palestinians hate each other. It is a bloodbath that has been going on for centuries, with the Israeli Jews trying to wipe the Palestinian Muslims of the face of the Earth, and vice versa. Which side do we take? We at The Colomen don’t want to split hairs, but obviously President Trump has.
President Trump and Prime Minister Netanyahu met last week at the White House to discuss the alliance between our countries and the Trump Administration’s stance on a two-state solution in Israel and Palestine. While their joint press conference covered these topics, other reports show that most of these decisions had already been made beforehand.
According to classified information retrieved from the NSA (and graciously shared with our The Colomen analysts), the pair of world leaders have been in contact for several weeks. Throughout a series of phone calls, they have discussed various topics, ranging from Jewish cuisine to the tag-teaming of President Trump’s daughter Ivanka (more to come on that later). The most important subject matter discussed, however, was the conflict between Israel and Palestine, and data from the phone calls shows that Trump has obviously chosen a side. Trump was recorded stating “Yo Benji, I can’t wait to kill all those terrorists you got over there! It’ll be tremendous, when can we make this happen?” to which Prime Minister Netanyahu replied “President Trump, I’m in the same boat! I will be visiting you in Washington D.C. next week, let’s plan then.”
In an interview with The Colomen, Lazerick Splain, a close friend and confidant of President Trump, “Donald has hated Muslims all of his life, and he always told me he wanted to get rid of them.” Our analysts believe that Trump’s recent “Muslim Ban” (which we at The Colomen fully support) was simply to fuel tension before this upcoming genocide.
Reports from the White House show that President Trump and Prime Minister Netanyahu spent lots of time together apart from their joint press conference. They spoke often in the privacy of the Oval Office, as well as behind closed doors in other parts of the White House. They were also seen shaking hands on many occasions, which could only have been the conclusion of various plans leading up to the upcoming genocide of the Muslim people.
On a separate note, Ivanka was spotted leaving the Oval Office on one occasion with her hair looking disheveled and a series of suspicious stains on her dress. Trump and Netanyahu exited a few minutes later, all smiles and exchanging high-fives. The pair had similar suspicious stains on the crotchal region of their suit pants. One can only guess as to what happened, but it doesn’t seem as though it was planning…