Though the Christmas Season is long behind us, new reports from researchers in Norway point to the existence of Santa Claus.
Bjorn Eriksen, leader of the research team, has been searching for decades. “I’m a real fan of Santa Claus, so naturally I wanted to know if he’s real or not. That’s why I’ve been conducting my research.”
When asked about his research methods, Eriksen stated “Well, me and the gang just go out on Christmas Eve every year and look at the skies. Usually, we see nothing, but this year we saw a fat guy driving a delivery truck.”
They decided to follow the driver.
“He just kept going north. We just kept going north. He wasn’t driving real fast, so when we had to pull over so that I could throw up it wasn’t difficult to catch right back up.”
The research team arrived at what they believed to be the North Pole later that night.
“Well, we saw a whole bunch of elves bowling. We figured that they must’ve been taking a break.”
The group chose to partake in the festivities before passing out. They woke up naked in their homes surrounded by presents. Two members of the group made comments regarding the soreness of their backsides.
We decided to retrace their steps.
The North Pole turned out to be a bowling alley, and when we questioned the owners, whose names were withheld, about what happened on Christmas Eve they stated:
“There was a group of midgets having a birthday party, and all of the sudden four drunk guys stomp in demand that they see Santa. They almost immediately pass out, and some fat white guy drags them out of the building and loads them onto a sleigh. Most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
That “fat white guy” may just be Santa Claus.
There is certainly mystery surrounding Santa Claus, and his true identity may never be revealed. But we as a people learn so much about this seemingly mythical being during these close encounters.
Santa Claus’ true identity may never be revealed, but perhaps it is the mystery that keeps the magic alive.