Skywalkers On Maury

In the midst of the Trump Administration’s circus show, major news outlets once again failed their obligation to inform the public of the day’s most pressing issues.

Last week, Maury Show hosted the esteemed Skywalker family: Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker.

As the battles raged in a Galaxy far far away, so did one in the home of the Skywalkers. Amidala became pregnant and Anakin switched companies, all putting a lot of strain on the young couple. Anakin worked as a chief executive officer of Dark Sides, LLC and was often away on business leaving Amidala home alone with a young boy. Soon it appeared that Anakin was having mental health problems, schizophrenia to be specific. He became an alcoholic and Amidala feared for her and her son’s safety. She fled before things became out of control. The battle between the Anakins grew. The son, Luke, joined Anakin’s competitor, Jedi Inc. Several lawsuits were filed between the two corporations. 

Now, many years later, the father Anakin is challenging Amidala’s assertion that he was in fact the father despite video proof of Anakin claiming “Luke, I am your father.” 

On Maury, many old wounds were reopened; it was painful to both parties. Then the DNA evidence was revealed by Maury that “In the case of Luke Skywalker, Anakin, you are NOT the father!!”

The crowd roared as Anakin was vindicated. In his address to the cameras Anakin said he was glad to end this chapter of his life. When asked about any future plans he smiled and said “Oh nothing big, maybe learning how to golf. Or guitar.” 

Luke said that “This is not over. You have not heard the last of Luke Skywalker. The south wi—I mean… The Jedi will rise again.”

The world is now left wondering: who IS the father? Vegas currently has Dark Helmet as the favorite.

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