Catholic Church Does Not Like Planes

In a recent press conference, officials from the Vatican have stated their discontent with planes of any kind.

Officials stated, “We don’t like planes.” They went on to say, “We aren’t just talking about airplanes. We don’t like coordinate planes, planes of existence, any type of plane really. If it has to do with planes, we don’t support it.”

What is this reason for discontent with planes? There are two possible explanations.

The first: Christ never used planes, so we shouldn’t use planes either. In the New Testament, Christ is never mentioned flying in a plane or going to an airport. In fact, the possibility of flight is never mentioned. It must be that Jesus didn’t support flight.

The second explanation is that the Wright Brothers turned the Catholic Church off to the idea of flight. This little-known story was found by The Colomen researchers in the Vatican Archives. The Catholic Church wanted to fund the Wright Brothers so that they could take partial credit for their successes once flight was achieved. The Wright Brothers, being pioneers in the field of flight, were receiving many sponsorship offers at the time. They accepted an offer from a mysterious man from the far east of Atlanta. He wore robes of purple and chains of gold. Images of him depict him as a large man holding a styrofoam cup with purple liquid inside of it. He had a tattoo of an ice cream cone on his cheek. His name was Radric Davis, and the Church did not like him.

The Catholic Church, in my opinion, probably fabricated their story about Mr. Davis because everyone knows that everyone from the Vatican is just a crook. The Ten Commandments say nothing about planes, so there must be some other reason other than what the Church is providing for their hatred of air travel.

It really is too bad that those gypsies burned the Hindenburg to the ground because blimps are far less controversial than planes.

Damn gypsies.

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