Senate Temperature Bill Fails In Committee

A bill to raise the temperature of the Capitol Building was stalled in the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee after disagreements surrounding the appropriations for such an action. The U.S. Capitol is approximately 1.3 million cubic feet, a massive building by any metric. To heat such a large volume would add about 100,000 USD to the national debt.

Chairman of the Committee Congressman Bill Shuster of Pennsylvania said that he was “deeply disappointed” that they couldn’t reach a consensus on the legislation, but noted that if being a little chilly meant “hardworking American taxpayers could save a little to heat themselves,” he was all for it.

Democrats whined that they would be to cold. Ranking Member Peter DeFazio called the move, “outrageous,” adding, “I’m gonna freeze my tail off!”

A Joint Committee has been authorized to examine Capitol Building costs. Senator John McCain was glad to see such efforts to reduce costs. “It pleases me that my colleagues are finally reacting to the needs of the American people.”

There are rumors circulating that the committee will suggest Congress to meet in Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. A source, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “If our President will continue spending so much time there it will make sense both financially and practically. Lawmakers will have near 24/7 access to the President and money won’t have to be allocated towards heating.”

Other options were proposed by congressmen to address the issue of heating. Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi suggested while the House or Senate was in session lawmakers could knit sweaters to wear. “We have so much time while we sit in committee, it’s not like anyone actually listens to the person testifying. If we knit we can actually do something productive.” The congresswoman is offering knitting classes, for all who are interested, in her office from 4:30-5:30 Mondays and Fridays. 

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