Reports have surfaced that Senate Budget Committee members met at a ‘Hooters’ outside Washington D.C. last Friday around 1:00 PM for a committee meeting that was offically scheduled to take place at the Capitol building.
Customers began to take notice when they saw the number of people in suits with American flag pins. Said restaurant frequenter Arthur Thompson, “I just knew somethin’ fishy was goin’ on when I saw those pins. I mean, the sunglasses I could understand. But this is no place for the American flag. It’s just disrespectful.”
Upon our reporters’ arrival at the scene, the committee members immediately split up and moved to different tables (many of which were already occupied by families trying to enjoy their meals in peace). Said Tracy Fleming, a single mother of two, “We were just trying to eat and then this old guy in a fancy suit and sunglasses sits down next to my Joey and covers his face with his hands. I’d have been upset if it hadn’t been so incredibly well coordinated. I mean, really. These guys must have practiced for hours.”
Ranking member Bernie Sanders, when confronted, said “Bernie who? Oh he’s the guy who wants to set all those millionaires and billionaires straight. You know something, I think they oughta pay their fair…” and promptly launched into a forty-five minute tirade on social justice.
When pressed, committee chairman Mike Enzi admitted, “Look, it’s really not that hard a job. Every year, we just take the numbers from last year, adjust for inflation, and then take a vote. The whole process takes like fifteen minutes.”
Enzi refused to comment on how the meal was paid for, but an upset hostess said after the party left that “the card didn’t go through and when I came back they were all gone.” She said the name on the card was General Stegosaurus Poowhistle.