Ask Brent: Politicians, Quasicentric Cyst

This week’s question comes from Paul.  He writes:

Why are politicians old? And what does a qausicentric cyst on my abdomen mean for me?

Studies from the Centers for Demographic Research (CDR) have shown consistently over the last several decades that politicians are majority ‘old’ (a term here defined as over the age of 65, wearing corduroy pants at least twice a week, and/or addressing children with certain amount of unfounded disdain).

Says anthropologist and recent local trivia night runner-up Karrie Wagner, “It just seems to be the case that old, white men just represent the American population the best.  They—in their religious beliefs, moral values, and political ideologies—simply reflect the interests of the people.”

Studies on regional demographics as they relate to cultural identity of those in elected office have consistently shown that—as is best articulated in a 2012 study by PEW Research—”Voters just want people they can relate to.  They want people with the same ideals, the same preference for bland foods, and the same 4:15 bedtime.”

Therefore, politicians are old because old people have the right ideas, ideas to which the majority of people subscribe.

Though the WebMD article on Cysts suggests that “cysts are noncancerous,” it’s probably safe to assume that you will be dead within the next couple weeks.

Ask your own Brent here.

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