Mary Poppins

Beloved nanny of many a 19th Century London children was arrested on Thursday for her flying while under the influence. Pilots landing at London’s Heathrow airport reported seeing a lady floating aimlessly through the sky while carrying an umbrella.

The RAF requested several times over radio for the flying women to identify herself or risk being engaged by RAF eurofighter Typhoons. Mary Poppins only sang “Juuuust a spooonful of sugar helps the medi-hic go doooown, medicine go dooooo-hic medicine…” over and over. After several hours of singing and telling the radio operators to go fly a kite up their arse the women, identified as Mary Poppins by her barking dog and her hallucinations that she was talking to a bird, was escorted down to the ground, allowing sky traffic to continue on. Upon her arrival on the ground she was arrested by the constable.

Mary Poppins arrest comes as a surprise to many who only know her from the hit Disney movie “Mary Poppins.” However in recent years the demand for nannies has declined significantly, leaving many out of work. Many nannies have capitalized on their connections with children and adolescents by selling drugs to former clients.

Mary Poppins case will bring much needed attention to the drug epidemic holding the UK in it’s grips. UK Prime Minister Theresa May called the development, “heartbreaking.” The Queen herself even released a statement saying “yo, Ma-f*cka. That shit wack, know what m sayn dog? Irka irka.”

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