Ask Brent: Why is snow white?

P. Escobar asks:

Brent, why is snow white?

Why is Snow White?  Some might respond: Because magic, because magic.

The shocking truth, however, is that Snow White isn’t—and never was.

Cutting-edge research has revealed that Snow White actually never existed.  Says nursery school teacher Marsha Thomson, “Yes…?”  (Her inflection cannot be stressed enough; it was condescending but suspicious, as though she were hiding something and wanted to cover it up with my own insecurities…  but what could she be hiding?)

There’s also this grand myth about seven dwarves, but cultural anthropologist and former middle sister Sara Gilherst says that “Actually only five dwarves have ever existed.  One worked for Goldman Sachs in the ’90s and another for H&R Block in the early 2000s.  Two others currently have reality TV shows on A&E.”

Prompted further about high instance of accounting and actuarial employment, Gilherst cited a 1942 study published by J. Mengele in Medizin Zeit that found that “Dwarves seem to share much of their genetic makeup with goblins.”  This is presumably where the other dwarf went.

The sad truth, P., is that Snow White isn’t.


A closer reading of your question has made it clear that you were asking about the color of a form of precipitation.  Sadly I already wrote this article and will publish it as is.

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