BREAKING: Jesus Was White!

Recent findings from researchers in Israel have further proven an already widely-believed fact: Jesus was white.

Jedediah Rawles from Arkansas, an avid church-goer and “follower of fuckin’ Jesus” led the research team. “Yup, Jesus is white. I saw him last night. I was with some buds and I passed out. Woke up and saw fuckin’ Jesus.”

When asked about his surroundings during the experience, Rawles had trouble with his recollection, “Welp, the room was white as the Lord. I was in a bed with white sheets. There was a fuckin’ I.V. in my arm, I tore that right the fuck out and the Lord didn’t like that so I stuck it back in. He was wearin’ white robes, and there was some lady who was with him. I don’t fuckin’ know.”

Upon examination of Rawles’ trailer, multiple pieces of drug paraphernalia were found, including but not limited to: chemistry equipment for making methamphetamines, heroin needles, baking soda, and several bongs. There was also a bracelet that Rawles said he tore off “the other night” that was from the local hospital.

The debate is over. Rawles’ experience has proven that Christ was white.

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