Your Friday Briefing

Good morning.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Canada invades Bahrain

For oil, we guess…?  We’re really not sure.  Trudeau is refusing to answer his SnapChat and literally everyone in the administration (parliament included) took the day off to go to Six Flags.  So, watch out for that…

2. The New iPhone X:  Worth it?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm……  No.

3. “The Semi-Daily,” your audio news report

In today’s first show, we are interrupted by a bunch of construction workers looking for a bathroom.  (In the second show, Michael Barbaro takes a nap.)

Back Story

Recycling has been a fast-growing fad since the mid 2000s, but I think it’s high time we ask ourselves:  What’s the point?

Hear me out:  we’re all gonna be dead in like, 90 years at most.  “But what about our KIDS??!!??” the weak, conformist fuckheads cry.  Fine, then don’t have kids.  Look, it’s really that simple:  if we all just make a collective agreement not to have kids, then we don’t to worry about that side of the argument.

If you think about it, recycling is really a societal menace:  it’s a drain on our national supply of blue dye.

So I ask once again, what’s the point?

Joe Biden contributed reporting.


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