Your Tuesday Briefing

Good morning.

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Stephen Colbert sued for his comments about Donald Trump at the Emmys.

Our media analyst actually sat down and took a look at a three-minute recap of the Emmys late last afternoon.  Here is what he found.

2. Stock market doing some pretty crazy shit.

Boy, it was, like, up sometime last week and then, CABLOW!

3. A hive of bumblebees ate Kim Jong Un

Now they have the nuclear codes.  Read what our analyst says about the matter.

Back Story

It’s Tuesday, and students across the country are finally coming out of their blackouts with a newfound appreciation for knowing where all their shit is.

Sherry Jones of Princeton University says that she “just can’t fucking deal right now.”  Maybe that’s a little bit on you, Sherry.

Ray-Ban executive Leonardo “I’m an asshole” Del Vecchio refused to contribute reporting.


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