Ask Brent: Greatest Thinker

This week’s question comes to us from Ronald R.  He writes:

Hey Brent!

I’ve been working on a project for school, and I was wondering:  who was the greatest thinker of all time?  Any help would be much appreciated!

Your man,
Ronald R.

An excellent question, Ron.  Especially in this day and age of great minds like Stephen Hawking and Beyoncé, how are we supposed to know whose is the greatest?

According to Richard M. Nixon, the true sign of a great man is how many pushups he can do.  When we compare the number of pushups that either Beyoncé or Stephen Hawking can do, we find that it’s not too many (roughly 16 and 0, according to an average of 25 trials performed by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill).

So whose mind is the greatest, then?  Steven Spielberg would have you think the greatest mind belongs to he who possesses the greatest army.  But the clear loophole is that Rush Limbaugh never had an army.

Ultimately, we must conclude that George Stephanopoulos is, in fact, the greatest thinker of all time.  It is self-evident.

All the best,

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