Scientist Elon Musk announced today that it was he who invented reality.
“Being the genius that I am,” Musk admitted with a great deal of unnecessary stammering, “I looked through my notebooks from the second grade. There I found plans for an infinite reality cycle that I called ‘zörgenweister.’ It is clear from this research that I invented reality.”
In a separate incident, police are currently looking for second-grader Jimmy Townsen, whose disappearance last Thursday was a shock to his parents.
“Yeah, he’s kind of a dick so… I don’t know… Don’t look too hard” Jimmy’s mother said in a phone interview. Said the cool kid in Jimmy’s class Gareth Baker, “I suppose one could say that Jim was an adequate specimen. He was fine at spelling, but I must say that his kickball skills were subpar.”
According to authorities, some of Jimmy’s belongings are missing, including an orange PEZ dispenser, three backup inhalers, and a composition notebook.