Elon Musk Claims He Invented Reality

Scientist Elon Musk announced today that it was he who invented reality.

“Being the genius that I am,” Musk admitted with a great deal of unnecessary stammering, “I looked through my notebooks from the second grade.  There I found plans for an infinite reality cycle that I called ‘zörgenweister.’  It is clear from this research that I invented reality.”

In a separate incident, police are currently looking for second-grader Jimmy Townsen, whose disappearance last Thursday was a shock to his parents.

“Yeah, he’s kind of a dick so…  I don’t know…  Don’t look too hard” Jimmy’s mother said in a phone interview.  Said the cool kid in Jimmy’s class Gareth Baker, “I suppose one could say that Jim was an adequate specimen.  He was fine at spelling, but I must say that his kickball skills were subpar.”

According to authorities, some of Jimmy’s belongings are missing, including an orange PEZ dispenser, three backup inhalers, and a composition notebook.

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