John Wilkes Booth: Innocent?

Senator Ted Cruz admitted in a press conference on Wednesday that it was his father, not John Wilkes Booth as the history books have presumed, who killed Abraham Lincoln on that fateful night at Ford’s Theater in 1922.

The Texas Senator, surrounded by a team of attorneys, admitted that his immediate family had directed a “smear campaign” against Mr. Booth because “we hate actors.”  He quickly followed up with “except Reagan.”

Senator Cruz refused to acknowledge that this new evidence would require a massive overhaul in the Department of Historical Accuracy, insisting instead that “we should focus on our crumbling infrastructure.”

Complaints may to be directed to (202) 244-5922.

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