Reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta indicate that Elon Musk is “way too strung-out to by flying rockets around town.” Said lead anthropologist Mark Weinwright, “We’ve been monitoring his vitals for the past eighteen hours at this point and, well, it’s just pretty clear that he’s not fit to be flying rockets around.”
Musk had reportedly purchased over $40,000 worth of StompRockets from Amazon over the last two weeks to help inspire his newest design for SpaceX. Amazon customer service representative Melissa T. said in a press conference on Thursday that “He kept calling to get them in gift wrap. I tried to explain that you just need to select that option during checkout but he didn’t seem to be able to figure it out.”
Musk is being held in a special anti-rabies quarantine room at the CDC until his StompRockets arrive.