My Son Prefers Chewy Bacon to Crispy Bacon: What Does This Mean?

It was 8:30 a.m, Sunday morning, and my son (who is 8) comes down from his room for breakfast. As I sit at my kitchen table, reading the collection of Breitbart articles I printed off the internet and combined into my own home-made magazine, my maid comes over and sets the table. She had prepared pancakes, along with home fries and bacon. However, my maid … Continue reading My Son Prefers Chewy Bacon to Crispy Bacon: What Does This Mean?

Nike Makes Sport Hijab for Muslim Athletes-Here’s Why That Isn’t “Harmless”

Nike announced today that they have made, and plan to sell, a Nike hijab that’s made for sport, and which is “breathable”. I am firmly against this. Yet, my opponents say “what’s the fuss”, and that “it’s, at the very least, harmless”. Well, my friends, I’m sad to say that a Nike sport hijab is not harmless, just as a burkini isn’t harmless. Both are … Continue reading Nike Makes Sport Hijab for Muslim Athletes-Here’s Why That Isn’t “Harmless”

The Toothpick Crisis

Weekly reports show a drastic decrease in toothpicks in North Virginia. The problem seems to be isolated solely in the North Virginia region, however this impending epidemic seems to have spread out into South Virginia. Reports show many restaurants have run dangerously low on the wooden stick we all use to clean our teeth. Outspoken loyal customer Jason McDuran recalled, “as I approached the counter … Continue reading The Toothpick Crisis