Ask Brent: IT

I watched IT this weekend so I wouldn’t have to go to my son’s parole hearing.  And though he was ultimately not granted parole, I did learn a lot about what constitutes a “bathing suit” according to AMC’s “theater-goer rules and regulations.” Now, as far as how it compares to the original, I honestly have…

Brent: New iOS?

Apple is trying to keep me from texting and driving. Look, I get it.  “Don’t txt+drv.”  I’ve seen the signs along the highway (their flashing lights are so distracting that I sometimes even look up from my Pokémon GO). Here’s all I’m saying though:  Why shouldn’t I be able to enjoy a nice TED talk…

Oh, how few the Righteous are

Oh, how few the Righteous are. Few in number, small in stature, They compare us to those from afar, Not knowing how they face disaster. Oh, how few the Righteous are. Owing not to minimal effort, But instead to a platform most bizarre, And a failure of each endeavor. Oh, how few the Righteous are,…

Books: Weapons of the Enemy?

Since the beginning of time, books have been used to confuse and manipulate the weak and the simple-minded. Take the Bible, for example.  It is and has always been the worldwide best-seller.  Why?  Is the writing particularly good?  Any fourth-grader will tell you otherwise.  Does it elicit any sense of self-understanding or emotional enlightenment?  Clearly…

Hey, Guys

Hey, guys,Please give me back my pants.  I really like them.The walk back to my dorm was kind of chilly, and, seeing as how we’re in Ohio, it will only get chillier.  As winter approaches, I will be forced to wear socks of increasing height to compensate for the lack of knee coverage, and unless…

BREAKING: Jesus Was White!

Recent findings from researchers in Israel have further proven an already widely-believed fact: Jesus was white. Jedediah Rawles from Arkansas, an avid church-goer and “follower of fuckin’ Jesus” led the research team. “Yup, Jesus is white. I saw him last night. I was with some buds and I passed out. Woke up and saw fuckin’…