After Venezuela failed to pay back the $280 million that it owes its creditors, loan shark Al Michaels has sent his boy Geno to “take care of those motherfuckers.” When prompted by police to explain what he meant by “take care of those motherfuckers,” Mr. Michaels explained that he merely wished to “pay them a little visit” and proceeded to wink very conspicuously. Officers remain … Continue reading Geno Sent to Break Venezuela’s Legs
Reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta indicate that Elon Musk is “way too strung-out to by flying rockets around town.” Said lead anthropologist Mark Weinwright, “We’ve been monitoring his vitals for the past eighteen hours at this point and, well, it’s just pretty clear that he’s not fit to be flying rockets around.” Musk had reportedly purchased over $40,000 worth … Continue reading Elon Musk: Too Strung-Out to Be Flying Rockets?
At the end of the Second World War, the leaders of the Allies recognized the need for a strong, authoritative international body to resolve interstate disputes. From the ashes of the world these men rose the United Nations, an organization more revered than the name suggests. The United Nations was created for the express purpose of stopping the annihilation of life. In that sense it … Continue reading The U.N. General Assembly: A Lesson In Pussyfooting
Weekly reports show a drastic decrease in toothpicks in North Virginia. The problem seems to be isolated solely in the North Virginia region, however this impending epidemic seems to have spread out into South Virginia. Reports show many restaurants have run dangerously low on the wooden stick we all use to clean our teeth. Outspoken loyal customer Jason McDuran recalled, “as I approached the counter … Continue reading The Toothpick Crisis
Economist Paul Krugman posted an op-ed piece in the New York Times yesterday, called On Economic Arrogance. If you haven’t gotten a chance to check it out, don’t bother. Krugman begins by citing the Trump Administration’s economic projections in an attempt (and a poor one at that) to argue that these numbers were entirely artificial, chosen only “to make the fiscal outlook appear better.” Krugman uses … Continue reading Review: On Economic Arrogance
Liberal propaganda consistently compares President Donald J. Trump to the success of his business(es), The Trump Organization (which is the collective name of the nearly 500 businesses in which Trump is the proprietor). Extremists like former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton constantly refer to his 6 declarations of bankruptcy, claiming that they are representative of his qualities as a leader and a businessman. Well riddle … Continue reading Trump’s Bankruptcies: Success Or Failure?
The Afghan government will now allow the legal trade of heroin and other opioids with other countries according to a new law passed by the National Assembly of Afghanistan. Spokesperson for the Afghan Ministry of Commerce said in a statement that “seeing as heroin is our number one export, we decided it would be best to accept this industry and aid in its development. We … Continue reading Afghanistan To Open Heroin Trade