Scientist Elon Musk announced today that it was he who invented reality. “Being the genius that I am,” Musk admitted with a great deal of unnecessary stammering, “I looked through my notebooks from the second grade. There I found plans for an infinite reality cycle that I called ‘zörgenweister.’ It is clear from this research that I invented reality.” In a separate incident, police are … Continue reading Elon Musk Claims He Invented Reality
Since the beginning of time, books have been used to confuse and manipulate the weak and the simple-minded. Take the Bible, for example. It is and has always been the worldwide best-seller. Why? Is the writing particularly good? Any fourth-grader will tell you otherwise. Does it elicit any sense of self-understanding or emotional enlightenment? Clearly not. And yet it continues to fill the pockets of … Continue reading Books: Weapons of the Enemy?
An Interview with a Terrorist- in the Form of a Poem Hello Good day Is that your dog? That piece of dirt? That scum? No it is not mine Why do you fight for ISIL? Death to America Why Death to America I had to know why he wanted death to America again, I asked Why Death to America he replied What is your … Continue reading An Interview with a Terrorist, in the form of a Poem [from the archive]
Recent findings from researchers in Israel have further proven an already widely-believed fact: Jesus was white. Jedediah Rawles from Arkansas, an avid church-goer and “follower of fuckin’ Jesus” led the research team. “Yup, Jesus is white. I saw him last night. I was with some buds and I passed out. Woke up and saw fuckin’ Jesus.” When asked about his surroundings during the experience, Rawles … Continue reading BREAKING: Jesus Was White!
Last month, I was walking through Harlem, and, suddenly, I saw a Starbucks. I walked in, and all around me stood white, middle class, New Yorkers. All I could think to myself was that that is not the Harlem I remember. All I could think was that America is not the place for negroes. While physical slavery ended over one hundred fifty years ago, enslavement … Continue reading Remembering Marcus Garvey and Why We Should Relaunch the Liberia Program
Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty—known Democrat sympathizers—awarded the Oscar for Best Picture Sunday evening to ‘La La Land’ instead of the rightful victor, ‘Moonlight.’ It wasn’t until three minutes into their acceptance speech that ‘La La Land’ producer Jordan Horowitz announced that they had not won and that ‘Moonlight’ had actually won best picture. Political analyst and film enthusiast Robert Campbell said, “The liberal media seem to … Continue reading Oscars Disaster: A Liberal Ploy?
Perhaps the most controversial conflict in the history of the United States, the Vietnam War, was fought to prevent the spread of communism in Vietnam and surrounding countries. Or was it? New research points to the Vietnam War being a hoax made up by Liberals, and you guessed it, Crooked Hillary is at the center of it. “I was always anti-Vietnam,” said Hillary in a … Continue reading Vietnam War: Hoax?