After Venezuela failed to pay back the $280 million that it owes its creditors, loan shark Al Michaels has sent his boy Geno to “take care of those motherfuckers.” When prompted by police to explain what he meant by “take care of those motherfuckers,” Mr. Michaels explained that he merely wished to “pay them a little visit” and proceeded to wink very conspicuously. Officers remain … Continue reading Geno Sent to Break Venezuela’s Legs
Tucker Carlson revealed in a Fox News exclusive last night that his colleague Shepard Smith—or “Shep,” as he is affectionately known around the office—is “obviously a clinton supporter” (he also asked that all news media not capitalize “Clinton” in his quote so as to further emphasize his disdain). Carlson found particularly incriminating evidence that Shep donated $8.3 million to Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign over the … Continue reading Shep Smith: Clinton Supporter?
We here at the Colomen were shocked when we learned that Catalonia had voted in favor of independence. Independence is a natural progression in all our lives and of all organism, whether biological or political. Whether it is an adolescent’s exit from the home of his/her progenitors or the type of referendum we see taking place in Kurdistan and Catalonia. What if this type of … Continue reading The Implications of Independence
Brit: Which side is the right side? Me: The right side. B: Yeah. M: No, the right side is the right side. B: Yeah, of course I know that, but which side? M: The right one. B: Yeah, which is the right one? M: You just said which one. B: What did I just say? M: You just said the … Continue reading A Conversation with a Brit
A recent investigation by the Equestrian Society in Fresno, California, found that zebras are actually just horses, but just super pretentious about it. “Yeah, they have, like, the same genetic makeup and everything, they just think they’re better than everybody else,” said researcher Kyle McLannahan, an avid horse-enthusiast. “They prance around like they own the place, trying to get attention for how pretty their fur … Continue reading Zebras: Cocky Horses
At the end of the Second World War, the leaders of the Allies recognized the need for a strong, authoritative international body to resolve interstate disputes. From the ashes of the world these men rose the United Nations, an organization more revered than the name suggests. The United Nations was created for the express purpose of stopping the annihilation of life. In that sense it … Continue reading The U.N. General Assembly: A Lesson In Pussyfooting
Hey, guys,Please give me back my pants. I really like them.The walk back to my dorm was kind of chilly, and, seeing as how we’re in Ohio, it will only get chillier. As winter approaches, I will be forced to wear socks of increasing height to compensate for the lack of knee coverage, and unless you’re willing to provide me some sort of knee pads, … Continue reading Hey, Guys