The Implications of Independence

We here at the Colomen were shocked when we learned that Catalonia had voted in favor of independence. Independence is a natural progression in all our lives and of all organism, whether biological or political. Whether it is an adolescent’s exit from the home of his/her progenitors or the type of referendum we see taking…

A Conversation with a Brit

Brit:   Which side is the right side? Me:    The right side. B:    Yeah. M:   No, the right side is the right side. B:    Yeah, of course I know that, but which side? M:   The right one. B:    Yeah, which is the right one? M:   You just said which one. B:   …

Zebras: Cocky Horses

A recent investigation by the Equestrian Society in Fresno, California, found that zebras are actually just horses, but just super pretentious about it. “Yeah, they have, like, the same genetic makeup and everything, they just think they’re better than everybody else,” said researcher Kyle McLannahan, an avid horse-enthusiast. “They prance around like they own the…

Your Tuesday Briefing

Good morning. Here’s what you need to know: 1. Stephen Colbert sued for his comments about Donald Trump at the Emmys. Our media analyst actually sat down and took a look at a three-minute recap of the Emmys late last afternoon.  Here is what he found. 2. Stock market doing some pretty crazy shit. Boy,…

Your Monday Briefing

Good morning. Here’s what you need to know: 1. Emmys Last Night The liberal Hollywood elites convened again last night to make a joke of the American people. Host Stephen Colbert began his monologue by expressionlessly flipping of the camera for seventeen minutes straight. 2. Senate Republicans enjoy Totino’s pizza rolls. 3. There’s, like, some…

Hey, Guys

Hey, guys,Please give me back my pants.  I really like them.The walk back to my dorm was kind of chilly, and, seeing as how we’re in Ohio, it will only get chillier.  As winter approaches, I will be forced to wear socks of increasing height to compensate for the lack of knee coverage, and unless…