Your Tuesday Briefing

Good morning. Here’s what you need to know: 1. Stephen Colbert sued for his comments about Donald Trump at the Emmys. Our media analyst actually sat down and took a look at a three-minute recap of the Emmys late last afternoon.  Here is what he found. 2. Stock market doing some pretty crazy shit. Boy,…

Mr. Oak

And the leaves fell from the mighty oak And I said to him, “Mr. Oak, why do drop your belongings?”   “Well child,” he replied “They become too heavy to carry”   And I said to him, “Well Mr.Oak, why collect them in the first place?”   He then took his branch and struck me…

The Illiterate Man

What does this say? I asked the illiterate man I did not know that he was illiterate and he did not know what it said   The newspaper read “The Thane has Returned!” Everyone knew But the man did not know for he could not read for he was illiterate   Sir, I cannot read!…

Your Monday Briefing

Good morning. Here’s what you need to know: 1. Emmys Last Night The liberal Hollywood elites convened again last night to make a joke of the American people. Host Stephen Colbert began his monologue by expressionlessly flipping of the camera for seventeen minutes straight. 2. Senate Republicans enjoy Totino’s pizza rolls. 3. There’s, like, some…

Hey, Guys

Hey, guys,Please give me back my pants.  I really like them.The walk back to my dorm was kind of chilly, and, seeing as how we’re in Ohio, it will only get chillier.  As winter approaches, I will be forced to wear socks of increasing height to compensate for the lack of knee coverage, and unless…

Your Friday Briefing

Good morning. Here’s what you need to know: 1. Canada invades Bahrain For oil, we guess…?  We’re really not sure.  Trudeau is refusing to answer his SnapChat and literally everyone in the administration (parliament included) took the day off to go to Six Flags.  So, watch out for that… 2. The New iPhone X:  Worth…